The Suns, About to Set

 BY CJ PHAT 

Far be it from me to make overblown and largely inaccurate statements about the NBA playoffs, but the first four games of the Spurs and the Suns has been the greatest four game span in NBA history. It might even be the greatest week and a half of my life, but I’m reluctant to go that far (out of fear of what my girlfriend will say). Exactly what hasn’t transpired yet? In the closing moments of game one, Steve “The Real MVP” Nash and Tony Longoria bonked heads which opened up a sick gash on Nash (from here on referred to as simply “Nash’s Gash”). Twenty-five minutes later, Nash’s Gash is still gushing, which forces him out of the game in deference to the Magic Johnson rule. Without him, of course, the Suns lost the game (they sure could’ve used Floyd Mayweather’s cutman). After a Suns win in game two, Amare Stoudemire dropped the bombshell statement “the Spurs are a dirty team” (I’m paraphrasing that, but you get the idea). This startling revelation caused me to reevaluate my life. And by “startling revelation” and “reevaluate my life,” I actually mean “obvious comment” and “shrug,” respectively. Don’t just look at forward Bruce Bowen’s Achilles assault on Stoudemire, how about his “inadvertent attack” on Ray Allen? Or Cuttino Mobley? Look, it’s not my place to decide who’s clean or dirty, nor should it really be a topic during a fabulous series of basketball (greatest four games ever), but Bowen sure makes it hard to disagree with Stoudemire’s assessment. Why? Because in game three he put his knee in a place where no knee should ever be. My nether-regions stung for an hour after that one. The low blow must’ve affected Nash more than he let on because he shot six for seventeen from the field, which certainly helped the Spurs win the game.

Surely that would be the last incident. Surely both teams would tone it down for game four and just play.

Wrong. With the Suns leading late in game five, Robert Horry delivered a hip-check on Steve Nash that’ll make Marty McSorley role over in his grave (is he even still alive?). Big Shot Rob, arguably the most clutch shooter in NBA history, became Cheap Shot Rob in an instant. Mayhem ensues, causing Stoudemire and Boris Diaw to wander towards the fracas before being herded back to their bench by the coaching staff. The altercation ends there, but suspensions have been handed down (two games for Horry, one each for Stoudemire and Diaw). All this actually does is put a blemish on a brilliant Suns comeback (they were down ten late in the game) and cripple them for tonight’s important fifth game. The “no leaving the bench rule” exists because of a brawl started by Greg Anthony a dozen years ago during a game, ironically enough, against the Suns. Is the rule fair? Probably not. Are the Suns getting the uncomfortable end of the shaft for game five? Absolutely. There’s the beauty of this series; all the drama of a Lifetime original movie combined with some of the best basketball of the entire season. It has the feeling of an NBA finals game even though it’s only the second round. It has twice as many basketball stars as every other series combined and even a Desperate Housewife on the sideline every night. Make no mistake about the outcome of this series either: the winner here will win the championship in a few weeks. Will I be watching when the ball is tipped at ten-thirty local time? Yes, and I will gladly stay up past my bedtime and drag myself into work tomorrow morning just to see Nash’s Gash, Mr. Longoria and the gang dribble out their problems in Phoenix. Okay. So maybe this is the greatest week and a half of my life. Sorry Elizabeth.