And the Headline Read: “Starbury Buried”

If you don’t mind, could you clarify something for me? Isn’t the object of most sporting competitions to win all of the games that you play? With the exception of college football and its illogical “style points” (which are apparently earned by blowing out bad teams and wearing cups that match your helmet), shouldn’t it be most important to not lose? It seems clear, then, that at this point in the season the Tennessee Titans are the best team in football. Before you accuse me of “Giant-bashing,” allow me to defend my claim: The Titans haven’t lost yet. Not once. Not even a little. Need more proof? The Giants only loss came to the Cleveland Browns; a team with a losing record that has just benched their quarterback in favor of an untested one. (If style points were included, this would hurt the Giants… and those awful red jerseys wouldn’t help either.) And this has nothing to do with the fact that I predicted a dismal season for the Giants after Osi Umenyiora went down for the year; it’s honestly the way I feel about these things. The minute the Titans lose a game, they’ll no longer be the best team in the league. The Carolina Panthers will be.

Off the top of your head (and without any assistance from the internet), can you name the team in first place of the NHL’s Southeast Division? Didn’t think so.

During a game between the Toronto Raptors and Boston Celtics last week, Kevin Garnett and José Calderón got into an amusing taunting match. KG (a notorious trash-talker) was riding Calderón all game – yelling stuff at him, hand-checking him, tapping Calderón’s chin, etc. Calderón responded by screaming back and pounding his chest after a big assist late in the game. Some analysts are calling them amateurish and even going as far as to say that Garnett should have been given a technical foul for his actions. What do I think, you ask? I think it’s reprehensible. Of course by “reprehensible,” I actually mean “hilarious.” C’mon, folks, lighten up. This is the same stuff I used to do at pick-up games down at Country Lane Park. It’s not like an Artestian brawl ensued… it’s just part of the game. To see athletes still having fun at the professional level is really a treat. (This is what makes Brett Favre’s youthful exuberance so endearing.) I, for one, support this behavior whole-heartedly.

(Side Note: I don’t play basketball so much anymore, mostly because I can’t seem to find a bunch of people my age to play with. (Disclaimer: While the preceding statement is true, it is also true that my lack of athletic ability and steady weight-gain over the last few years may also have contributed to this fact. When I wear basketball shorts, I look less like a 25 year-old athlete and more like a tightly wrapped turkey.))

Speaking of the NBA, I can’t be the only one who finds this Stephon Marbury thing completely disgraceful. Of course by “disgraceful,” I once again mean “hilarious.” Instead of “Starbury,” maybe his new nickname should be “Benchbury.”

I’d like to take this time to congratulate Willie Randolph on his new job as bench coach of the Milwaukee Brewers. I wish him the best of luck on his road back to becoming the manager of a major league team. (Do you think he was aware that there is zero chance that CC Sabathia signs there when he took the job? Just a thought…)

I’ll leave you, Dear Readers, with my feelings on the hodge-podge that is the AFC East. Call it parity, call it what you will (I call it “Tom Brady got hurt and now everyone’s sorta mediocre”), but it’s nice to see some actual competition in this division. The Bills have fallen back to where I thought they’d be – an 8- or 9-win team – and the Patriots are on track to win the division once more. The real surprise has been my Miami Dolphins. Who could’ve guessed that ol’ “Powder Puff” Pennington, Ronnie “Don’t Call Me Ronald” Brown, and “THC” Ricky would have a winning record halfway through the year? Pennington is second in the league is passer rating and is having a Pro Bowl season. (You remember the Pro Bowl, right? It’s that meaningless game played after the season. It’s about as relevant to football as passer rating is to determining the quality of a quarterback.) I still don’t have them making the playoffs, but it’s really exciting that games in November and December will actual matter to those of us old enough to remember a time when the Dolphins dominated this division.

And very quickly: The Jets have a real shot at making the playoffs, but slow down on the predictions for Thursday night victory in Foxboro. My former brother (former because he moved to enemy territory in New England) is calling tomorrow night’s game a lock for Gang Green. I’m fairly confident that the Patriots will win this game, but in a division so tight, can we say with conviction that any victory is assured?

I guess like most questions today, the answer is: Yes, we can.