Welcome Back, My Friends, to the Show That Never Ends

I took some time off for one of America’s most meaningful holidays (a statement rich with my trademark sarcasm), so I thought I give you a rundown of some of the stuff I’ve been unable to cover in the last few weeks. After you’ve read this magical post, boost my ego further by voting on this week’s poll (click the “Polls” tab to find it).

The Knicks traded their entire roster just to clear up cap/locker-room for LeBron James when his Cavalier contract is up in 2010. They’re down to like six players and the waterboy and yet they still won’t play Stephon Marbury.

After admitting that he knows less about the rules of football than any twelve year old who’s played Madden, Donovan McNabb got benched and has subsequently led the Eagles to two consecutive wins. Neither of the wins, however, occurred in overtime.

The simple-minded masses proclaimed the Jets as the elite team in the AFC after they beat the Patriots in Foxboro. Then the Jets threw up a few clunkers and now find themselves in three-way tie for first place. One more loss, and their playoff chances are gone. (Side Note: I forgot what it was like to actually have a rooting interest in football games. For so long it’s been “doesn’t matter to me because the Dolphins can’t get in.” These last few weeks, I’ve found myself passionately rooting against the Jets and the Pats, which is a nice change of pace from the indifference of recent years past.)

CitiField is looking to sneak out of their naming rights deal with the new Mets on the new ballpark in Queens because of that whole “crazily expensive buyout that we’re all paying for” thing. A few New York councilmen said that the stadium should be called “Citi/Taxpayers Field.” I laughed for a second and then decided that it would have been funnier if they had suggested it be called “Bailout Ballpark.” Just my opinion. Feel free to agree.

The Giants lost a game at home and still clinched their division, thus making my “no playoff” prediction for them look even more idiotic.

Elisha Cuthbert, who was stalked by a mountain lion for the first three seasons of TV’s 24, was thrust into the sports world after her NHL ex-boyfriend Steve Avery took an unnecessary cheap shot at her. Avery was suspended six games by the NHL, but what the league should have done was give him their MVP award for actually getting hockey mentioned in one of my posts.

The Bad News: An NFL player foolishly shot himself in the leg with an unregistered gun and found himself suspended for the foreseeable future. The Good News: It was a Giant.

It seems they finally got around to putting O.J. Simpson in prison. While this seems a decade or so overdue, I can’t help but feel that his sentence is too long. How can someone convicted of armed robbery get a maximum of 33 years in prison when no one was hurt? Sure, most right-thinking people believe that he got away with murder some time ago, but the punishment for this crime seems like a bit much. I don’t feel any sympathy for him, mind you, just making an observation. (Another Side Note: I’ve already started writing the pilot for my newest sitcom idea. It’s about two former star athletes who find themselves in prison – one for murder/armed robbery and one for dog fighting – and all the wackiness that ensues. Sound exploitative? Maybe, but I’m sure Fox will pick it up.)

And I’ll end with some brand new news on the hometown-front: The Mets have a new closer. I, for one, think that over spending on relief pitchers is something of a bad idea, but considering how bad the Mets bullpen has been recently, I guess GM Omar Minaya felt he had no choice. The price isn’t that bad either. The main problem with the pick-up of a lights-out closer is that the Mets haven’t done anything yet to sure up the middle of their bullpen, which, for those of you who watched a fair amount of Mets baseball last year, was the main problem. Still, Francisco Rodriguez is better than that outlandish “closer by committee” thing we tried last September….

As for the other new pitcher in town, let me say that I have always been a big CC Sabathia fan (except for the way he cocks his hat to one side… never dug that…). I love his stuff, love the way he takes the ball whenever you ask him too, and love that he’ll eat up a ton of innings. I even like his personality in interviews, even though that doesn’t really say much about the content of one’s character. Of course, Dear Readers, all that was before he became a Yankee. Now I hope he blows out his arm in spring training.

Welcome to New York.