Call me crazy, but I really don’t understand how exponentially expanding body parts automatically means that someone has taken steroids. I am totally buff, for example, and have never taken a steroid in my life. I do, however, use HGH regularly but they can’t test for that yet so it’s all good.
If large muscles (and, in Barry Bonds’ case, endlessly growing body parts) is the only criteria necessary to prove that a person is using steroids, then the list of dopers would be very different than what it currently is. Alex Rodriguez is much bigger than he was in Seattle and his brother, Ivan, was scrawny, then bulky, and is now scrawny again. The list would not only include these two, but would also exclude some players who have already tested positive. Floyd Landis, Guillermo Mota, and every track star that’s ever failed a doping test (which is basically all of them) do not exactly raise steroid suspicion just by looking at them. My goal here is not to cast aspersions on “clean” players (I don’t personally believe that A-Rod or Pudge are on roids … maybe Pudge …) but rather to highlight the hypocrisy of the Barry Bonds Hating Club (from this point on referred to simply as Baroid Haters). I think it’s obvious that Bonds used steroids, but it seems equally obvious that a couple of other players also did. And by “a couple of other players” I actually mean “anywhere from 50 to 75 percent of the league.” If the Baroid Haters really believe that Bonds doesn’t belong in the Hall of Fame, then how can any player in the “Steroid Era” get in? How can any sport fan be unequivocally sure that Jr. Griffey or Roger Clemens didn’t take steroids? Maybe their chemists just weren’t as good as Bonds’. Maybe Cal Ripken used steroids to avoid injury and become our “Iron Man.” Maybe knowing specifically who took steroids is unimportant. While the dopers are the ones that have tainted this era, the entire era is now tainted and should be judged as such. Bonds is the best player of the “Steroid Era” (just like Ty Cobb comes from the “Dead-Ball Era” and Babe Ruth from the “Live Ball Era” (or, as I call it, the “Pre-Negro-League Era”)) and therefore should be in the Hall of Fame. And then there are the stat-fanatics who say “Baroid cheated to get this record.” Far be it from me to call these people completely uniformed, but these people make me sick … er … are completely uniformed. Baseball loves cheating. Pitchers scuff the ball, baserunners steal signs, batters cork their bats, and A.J. Pierzynski runs to firstbase even when he strikes out. Get over it, folks, ‘cause you’d cheat too if it meant millions of dollars and athletic immortality.
While I’ve got your attention, allow me the opportunity to ask everyone on earth (this includes sports magazines, newspapers, politicians, and even you, dear readers) to stop calling Ultimate Fighting “America’s Fastest Growing Sport.” Compared to what? Water polo? Shot put? Any “sport” that involves Joe Rogan (that obnoxious dude from Fear Factor) is about as relevant as my blog. So … not good. And on the topic of brutality: since when is it worse to harm a dog than it is to harm a human being? I’m not condoning Michael Vick’s (allegedly) disgusting behavior, but why do we hate him more than we hated Kobe Bryant or Ray Lewis or even, dare I say it, O.J. Simpson when they were suspected of assaulting and/or murdering people? Dogs are cool and all (here’s looking out, LeRoy), but this “guilty until proven innocent” rap seems a little harsh even if he did arrange his own Mortal Kombat tournament … with dogs.